Four Management Lessons

Lesson Number One

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”

The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Number Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

“I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy. “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Lesson Number Three

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, “I should be Boss because I control the whole body’s responses and functions.”

The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.” The hands said, “We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money.” And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.

All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.

All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Management Lesson: You don’t need brains to be Boss, any asshole will do!

Lesson Number Four

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard he bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lessons:

1. Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.

2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

3. When you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

Interesting History…

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. 
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. 

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. 
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. 

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. 
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House. 

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. 
Both Presidents were shot in the head 

Now it gets really weird. 

Lincoln ‘s secretary was named Kennedy. 
Kennedy’s Secretary was named Lincoln . 

Both were assassinated by Southerners. 
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson. 

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808. 
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839. 
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939. 

Both assassins were known by their three names. 
Both names are composed of fifteen letters. 

Now hang on to your seat. 

Lincoln was shot at the theater named ‘Ford.’ 
Kennedy was shot in a car called ‘ Lincoln ‘ made by ‘Ford.’ 

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse. 
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater. 

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials. 

And here’s the kicker… 

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland 
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

That’s Life

God created the donkey and said to him. You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years.

The donkey answered I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years God granted his wish.

God created the dog and said to him You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.You will be a dog.

The dog answered Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years. God granted his wish.

God created the monkey and said to him: You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years.

The monkey answered To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years. God granted his wish.

Finally God created man and said to him: You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth. You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years.

Man responded Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused.

God granted man’s wish

And since then, man lives 20 years as a man , marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back. Then when his children are grown, he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him,so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That’s Life

God’s Pharmacy….very interesting

It’s been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish.. All before making a human. He made and provided what we’d need before we were born. These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We’re such slow learners…
God left us a great clue as to what foods help what part of our body!
God’s Pharmacy! Amazing!

A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye… And YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.

A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the res earch shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.

Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.
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A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.

Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.

Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don’t have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.

Avocados, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female – they look just like these organs. Today’s research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).

Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.

Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.

Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries

Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.

Onions look like the body’s cells. Today’s research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.

Newton Laws for Software

Law 1 .Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by manager.

Law 2. The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate as when deadline force is applied.

Law 3. For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.

Bonus 🙂 Law 4 . Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant.

Job seekers may go to YouTube to put video resumes

Job seekers may go to YouTube, and hiring pros are giving video serious thought. Job cuts next year are expected to surpass 1 million, outplacement consulting firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas Inc. said today, but rising unemployment will also bring about its own boom in the use of social networking and tools such as video resumes.

Challenger, a Chicago-based firm that tracks job cut announcements, said 156,000 tech-sector job cuts were announced through November, or about 15% of the just over a million announced reductions this year. That’s in contrast to the period of the dot.com bust, when tech job cuts accounted for 36% of the overall total of job cuts in 2001 and 32% in 2002, the firm said.
As layoffs continue, job seekers will increase their use of Web 2.0 tools to network and to stand out in a crowd. “YouTube could become the sandwich board of the new millennium,” Challenger said.

On YouTube, a search for “video resume” brings up less than 2,000 results; a search on “resume” alone returns 26,000 results but includes anything using the word “resume.” Video resumes may still be too new and different for most. Management Recruiters International Inc. in Philadelphia did an online poll of visitors to its Web site last spring, and out of the 500 Web site responses, 4% said they had used video in their job search.

But video is getting serious consideration from recruiting professionals, such as Kip Hollister, CEO of Boston-based recruiting firm Hollister Inc. Hollister said she may use it to market some of her clients.

“One has to be very careful using this as a tool, because the first impression is a lasting impression,” Hollister said. “If one is going to do this, you really need to do it right. And if you do it with low quality, that will, in essence, leave a cheap impression of video resumes,” she said.
Hollister’s clients range from programmers with skills in .Net and Java, to business analysts and chief technology officers. Ideal candidates for video may be those seeking management jobs who may interact with marketing and other departments. Video might enable potential candidates to demonstrate their communication skills and charisma, she said. But sending a video link to a large company may not help.

“The average recruiter at a big company is recruiting for 20 different positions simultaneously,” said Michael Neece, chief strategy officer at Pongo Software LLC, which operates PongoResume, an online resume service. Those recruiters, “are trying to screen as rapidly as they can” and may spend no more than 10 to 20 seconds looking at a resume.

Neece also said some employers may see video as a legally risky way to screen applicants because a video may give information unrelated to an applicant’s qualifications, such as race, size and disability.

Della Giles, director of BlueSteps.com, the career management service of the Association of Executive Search Consultants in New York, said resumes will become more graphically rich and may include snippets of video as part of an overall presentation. BlueSteps is now working with VisualVC Inc. in Reston, Va., which combines multimedia elements, including video, in a resume, she said. The association represents search firms that recruit executives.

“The resume should be more than just a simple kind of paper document” that “gives you the essentials, but it doesn’t necessarily tell you a lot about the broader aspects of an individual,” Giles said.

Awake the giant within you

You have a giant sleeping within you. Its lying dormant deep within you. You need to shake it, you need to wake it. We don’t tend to realize the immense power that lies within us. We always underutilize ourselves. The power and the strength that we possess within us, always remains an enigma for us. Those who realize this power get their names sketched in history forever. It all up to us to dig deep down within us, and make use of the incessant and limitless energy within us.

 

I know many non-believers will say that these are all philosophy and nothing of this kind exists in the real world. I am reminded of a story, which I read somewhere. A man went to a barber shop. He found that the barber was someone who loved talking. He told that he did not believe in God, and he was an atheist. He said that he had never seen God and so he does not believe that God ever existed. The man was a true believer of God, but he did not want to confront him, as he knew it will bring about a heated argument. After that the man went outside, and found that there was a man outside the barber shop who had a very shabby look, and had long and unkempt beard and hair. The man immediately went inside and told the barber that the barbers don’t exist in the world. The barber asked him how can he say that, he just got things done by him. The man pointed to the shabby person outside the barber’s shop. The barber said that the shabby man has to come to him, so that he shape his beard and hair. The man pounced on his answer and said you also need to go to God and follow his paths to realize that he indeed exists. Similarly, we also need to look within us, look deep down inside our consciousness to realize the true potential.

 

This world and the universal cosmos works in harmony all the time. It works in the most subtle way to fulfill our innermost passions within us. The desire and the hunger to achieve should be immense. Once one’s inner urge connects with the cosmic principle then it starts working vigorously towards it. It is this reason that all motivational speakers and writers talk in terms of positive thinking. We need to continuously think about what we want to achieve in life. The mind needs to be trained towards it. I have already explained in my article “Spiritual Interpretation of how mind works” – the conscious mind does things which comes as a vibration from the subconscious mind. The power of spoken word is a great way to train mind to start thinking positive. Believe me guys, it works. Lets say you are striving to be an Entrepreneur. You are presently in job, and you want to come out of it, to start something on your own. But you have some compulsions because of which you are not able to come out of your job and realize your dream of starting something on your on. So what you should do in such a scenario? Have faith that you can be an Entrepreneur. Keep training your mind towards Entrepreneurship. Read books on leadership. Keep thinking that you are going to be an Entrepreneur one day, though you may not have the resource to be so as of now. Once your desire and the innermost urge to be an Entrepreneur reaches its pinnacle, the cosmic principles will start working to help you out. The world around you will start opening avenues, which will prepare you towards Entrepreneurship. It will open doors for you to jump into Entrepreneurship.

 

This is a connected world – connected with the same string. Vibrations in one end of the string creates ripples in the other end as well. The only thing that is needed is the belief that your thoughts do create favorable circumstances in your life. Understand that whatever is happening in your life is the result and action of your thoughts. Your current position is the result of the magnanimity and enormity of your thoughts. If you are big now, it is because you have trained and adapted your mind to think and act big. If you are small, it is because you have accepted that you have limited potential.

 

There are have been many beautiful souls who have trod this world, and made a difference because of magnanimity of their willingness and thoughts.. They were also one like us. If they can do it, then why cant you and me. Nobody is born with an extra pair of mind or heart. So what is this differentiating factor? What is it that makes them different? The only thing which makes them different is their willingness and determination to pursue what they want to achieve. You need to realize your innermost potential and raise yourself to the highest platform.

You dont need a title to be a leader

I just saw one advertisement in the television. There is a big traffic jam on the road, because of an intermittent storm. A huge tree had fallen on the road. Everybody was stuck on the road. Then a 10 year old child came, and he tried to move the tree. Other children on the street followed suit, and within few minutes there were ten more children. All the people in their vehicle were looking at this, and they got the inspiration from these kids and everybody starting lending their hand in moving the tree.

This story is as inspiring as any other story. This is one of a great example of what true leadership is all about. Leaders need not be the strongest or the most capable person in the world, but the most important quality is that they have initiative. The child was too feeble to move the tree, yet he took the initiative, and after that people followed suit. It is a widely known fact that the world follows the leaders.

 

Many people complain that they don’t have the opportunity to exercise their leadership skills, as they don’t have the leader’s label attached to their title. All I can say to such people is to change the way they think. There will definitely be constraints if you don’t have the leadership tag, but the way you operate will define the way you want to lead. Leadership is in attitude, not in title. Leaders carry their leadership qualities with them wherever they go. Leadership is a very infectious trait, as it spreads like virus. Leadership has its own viral nature. So all it takes for someone is to stand up and take the lead. The others will surely follow.

 

We tend to have too many excuses when it comes to leading an initiative. Everybody comes up thousands of excuses all the time. If we want to make a difference, if we want to stand out of the crowd, then we have to come out of the cobweb of excuses and run over them. For the above given example, everybody could see that there is a problem with the tree lying on the middle of the road. Everybody was expecting that somebody else will take the lead in removing it. In fact, for some people they could not even think of looking for a solution. They were blaming the storm, they were blaming the civic authorities, they were blaming each other and they were blaming what not. Its high time when we think of the world as our own home, and do things outside just as we do in our own home. Imagine a tree falling on top of your house. Will you wait for your neighbor to come and remove it? No, obviously not. You will be proactive and do every possible thing to get it removed as soon as possible.

 

Every now and then, we undermine our own inner strength. I remember one story – there was one boy who always wanted to climb a wall which was a bit too high for him. He had tried it many time, but could not do it. Once it happened that a street dog started running after him. The boy started running towards the wall. When he reached the wall, he easily climbed to go to the other side of the wall. When he reached the other side of the wall, he was surprised with his ability to jump across the wall. That’s what happens to us – we don’t stretch ourselves beyond one limit. We don’t unearth the limitless potential that we have. We all have tremendous energy within us, but we need to find it out, dig deep and ignite this spirit.

 

Take the lead, lead the world, and make a difference.

 

Willingness to achieve can take you places

We were always told about one example to let people know why they fail to attain salvation in life – Try taking the fish out of water. What it does – it keeps moving its body in all possible directions, and develops an extreme urge to go back to water. Unless you put it back to water it does not stop trying. People can find salvation in life, only when they develop fish like craving and yearning for God.

The same principle applies in our life as well. We tend to give half hearted effort and expect some magic to give us the expected output. But it does not work that way. The world runs on a cosmic principle and weighs your options in life as per your thoughts. In simple words, we become what we think. There has been thousands of theories put forth to prove this point. Thats why, when we want to do something in life, just jump into it and do not give up until you accomplish your goal. Believe me, the only thing that matters is your determination to pursue your goals. There will be definite bottlenecks in your path, but do not give up. You will fall, you will fall many times. But each time you fall, you should become even more courageous, and strive even harder. People will laugh at you each time you fall. If you fall many times, even the believers will start questioning your abilities. But let that not weaken your spirits. If you know your cause is noble, then keep trying. You need to have little bit of stubbornness in you. You should be stubborn just like a child – a child will keep crying until they get want they want. Rest not, till you find your end.

Many people say that they fail in spite of trying hard. They start blaming the destiny for it. Let me tell you the spiritual connection behind this concept of destiny. Well, time and again, I start relating things to spirituality. But I cant help it, because it is with Spirituality that the truth lies. If you are one amongst those who do not believe in Spirituality, then just lie down on your back and ponder what will happen after you die, your being is there till your last breathe – so dont you think its temporary! Anyway, coming back to the spiritual reason behind destiny – In spirituality it is said in the present era 65% of whatever we do is governed by our past actions. Remaining 35% is our willful action. So you may think that majority of what we do, wont give us the expected results. But actually what happens is, even if we use 1% of those 35% of our willful action properly, then we will be able to achieve our goals. Its that simple.

So the point is that, our thoughts, our ideas take a shape in our consciousness. Once it takes a shape, it is upto us to start banking on it. The shape can get deformed, if we do not caress it with extreme urge. That shape has to be given a structure with our willingness and it is our willingness which will convert this visualized image into a more tangible form. So friends, dream on – but once you start dreaming, follow it with extreme urge until its attainment.

Believe in Yourself

There is no one in the world who is going to trust you as much as you do on yourself.
Believe in your abilities, and pursue your dreams. This world is not a bed of roses, and
you cannot expect everybody to praise you, but you have have to develop a very thick
shield all around you, when people criticize you. 
Let their criticism not weaken your spirits. Let the foolish continue to blabber whatever
they want to. Those who bring others down are not the visionaries, they are themselves
the scapegoat of their ill thoughts, and cannot tolerate over ambitious people. 

A word about those big bad people, and how to protect yourself from them. This includes
not only the so called bad people, but also the pessimist in you. The pessimists will always
try to deter your from thinking forward - mainly because either they have a gloomy
outlook to life or else they cannot see the larger picture themselves. Cover yourself from
these people. Dont you think that it is running away from struggles of life. It is like
throwing stones at the mud. If you struggle with the mud, it is defnitely going to bite you,
and even dirt you with their dirty thoughts. So protect your spirit from these people.

Let them carve their own ideas and propositions about you. Let their perspective not deter
your hopes in life. After all it is your life, and you are the master of it. You have to decide the
way your life needs to go. You are your own destiny creator. You define your life. The day
you become slave to the situation, you are no more a human; you are then just a prisoner
of situations, a prisoner who has no freedom, a prisoner who cannot think beyond the walls
of the jail. So let not your spirit be binded by limited thoughts. Allow your spirit to grow,
let your spirit free - allow it reach for the sky and it will no doubt attain the limitless
freedom which everyone craves for.  It is true life is not a bed of roses, but it is also not a
bed of thorns. It is all in the thoughts. If the mind is perturbed my disturbing thoughts,
then even in the best of scenic places, it wont find respite. Its all in the mind and your 
spirits. Let the higher and positive spirits govern your mind and thoughts.